On the 23rd, is Take Your Dog to Work Day. Since I work at both a real office and a home office, I decided not to stress my dog out and drive into town. I introduced her to the workplace in a nice, mellow fashion–at home.
First, in order to make her feel legit, I forced some glasses on Ginger. I didn’t want her to feel like a dog. I wanted her to feel like a valuable, contributing member of my office…one I could depend on and turn to for help when the deadline is looming and the phone is ringing.
She grinned and bared it (her teeth, that is). Ginger didn’t really like dressing up for the job, but I insisted. I didn’t want her goofing off, and the glasses seemed to make her more sophisticated—not just a dumb blonde.
After Ginger donned the glasses, I went over the 3 B’s with her in my employee handbook:
2. Be quiet
3. Be helpful
I explained that she would be my secretary and answer the phone since I was much too busy (heck! even if I’m just reading a book, I’m too busy to answer the phone; it’s just how life is around here).
The first part of the day (or about 10 minutes) went pretty good. Ginger did the first B—Behave! She didn’t fart; she didn’t whine or scratch at my desk, she kept those glasses on and looked studious.
She did the 2nd B—Be quiet. No barking, heavy panting, or loud farting (even though it’s the silent ones that will kill you).
She tried to do the 3rd B—Be helpful—but wasn’t very successful. The phone rang, and I said, “Ginger, will you get that? I’m in the middle of this proposal.”
But she was doing this.
The phone quit ringing and I stopped harping on Ginger to get it. They hung up! I’m okay with that.
But then, it rang again. I tried to get Ginger to step up and pull her weight in the office. “Ginger, grab that. I know it’s not for me, and even if it is, I don’t want to talk right now.” RING! RING. “Come on, girl! Please!”
Bless her heart! I think she really wanted to answer it. She loves new people (being much more social than me), but those dang paws without opposable thumbs make life tough for dogs–even a pretty one like Ginger. Beauty isn’t everything. Opposable thumbs…that’s different. Opposable thumbs will get you everywhere in life!
Since Ginger wasn’t helpful, I ignored the phone and kept on working. But things went downhill with the 3rd call. Again I encouraged Ginger in her secretarial aspirations, but by that time, the glasses were off and Ginger had gravitated outside!
I yelled out: “Hey! Didn’t you read the employee handbook? You don’t get a 10 minute break until you’ve worked 4 hours!”
Ginger ignored me, rolling around and scratching her back and picking up whatever bugs and germs live in the grassy green. And the phone rang again…and I ignored it…because my secretary wasn’t in at the moment.
When Ginger finally came in, looking a little too casual for my taste, I fired her (in a nice way). I gave her a severance package of a dog treat and told her to go lay back down in the living room and do what she does best (imitate a RUG). She seemed relieved…especially when I took the glasses back.
The moral of this story is that on the 23rd—even though it’s a Saturday and most people don’t work—if you do work, I’d skip out on Take your dog to Work Day. I think whoever made this holiday up is a little whacked!
Here are things they didn’t take into account:
1. Dogs don’t have opposable thumbs
2. That makes answering phones very hard; maybe a headset would work, but I didn’t have one.
3. Glasses annoy dogs. Maybe if I’d got the kind with elastic that stuck to her head (like an NBA player), it would have worked…but who has those things?
4. Silent dog farts will clear out an office faster than any fire alarm…or FIRE!
5. Dogs want more than 2 breaks a day—and they want to roll around and scratch their back right on the office floor; we humans find that kind of distracting—it causes office productivity to decrease.
That’s what I learned this week. Use caution and keep my valuable research in mind if you’re tempted to take your dog to work. I don’t want you to embarrass yourself. I’m just nice like that!