Secrets of Fishing

English: Boat and equipment to fish, O Carril,...

It’s JUNE, so to celebrate fathers, I’m going to post about fishing.  Most guys like fishing, right?  Why is that?

I may have the answer…but you might not like it.

My son went fishing for the first time in November.  Grandpa and good old dad took him out to a reservoir outside Hurricane, Utah and they were gone FOREVER.

We girls went shopping, and I thought WE were gone a long time.  But when we got home, the boys were still gone.  We girls exercised.  We ate and snacked…to reward ourselves for exercising.  And we sat and did nothing for a long time (nothing = reading, watching movies and snacking some more because exercise worked up an appetite).

Still the boys didn’t come back.  They had left at the crack of dawn, and now it was way after lunch!  I wondered if my boy was bored.  I knew I’d be, sitting inside a boat in the middle of a lake just holding a rod and staring at the person across from me.

“Hey Vern.”

“Hey.”

“You got a bite yet?”

“Nope.”

“Me neither.”  [Squint.  Bounce the rod up and down.]

“Hey Vern.”

“Hey.”

“You got anything yet?”

“Nope.”

“Me neither.”  [Eyes twitch.  Lips feel chapped.  Lick ‘em.  Ouch!  Why didn’t I bring Carmex?]

That’s my vision of what happens fishing.  You don’t have a TV; you can’t play a game of monopoly because of forces out of your control—wind, a big alligator bumping your boat and scattering your money (you never know; there could be some crazy underground water tunnel that hooks that Utah reservoir to the Everglades’ swamps…shiver!), raindrops that wrinkle monopoly money, and the fact that you’re in a cramped boat and your back would hurt leaning over the game for 3 straight hours.

Anyway, as I thought of my poor boy out there with the men who were too dense to realize he wasn’t having fun, I cringed.

And still they didn’t come home!  How long does it take to catch a dang fish?  Maybe that alligator ate all the fish, making the pickings slim.  Dumb alligator!

Eventually, the boys returned.  I was shocked to see a big smile on my boy’s face.  When I asked if he’d been bored, the answer was a resounding NO!  He had the time of his life.

How?  They only caught 4 fish (3 of which they released because we were having crab legs and shrimp for dinner).  Even if they had kept all 4, that meant they only averaged 0.85 fish every 2 hours.  Lame!

But, my son insisted fishing was a blast!

He wanted to go again the next morning…and dad went right out and bought another day’s fishing license so they could do just that.  Ugh!  I didn’t understand men at all.

The next day was much the same.  The men went out at the crack of dawn and were gone for a million hours.  We girls didn’t shop (my girls had emptied my wallet the day before).  So we did nothing—which meant we read, fought over the laptop so we could check Facebook and important things like that, and we snacked on Grandma’s M&Ms in her cookie jar (it’s a horrible temptation I can’t resist).  I probably ate a million calories of M&Ms—the amount of hours the guys were gone.

Again, when they returned, my son raved about how much fun they had.  They caught 10 or 11 fish, but only brought the biggest home so my boy could show it off to his sisters and explain how he’d gutted it—blood and gore (boys love that)!

Boys don’t like to sit down and have a long conversation about their fishing trips, (about anything really).  So I found out bits and pieces over the next week as we traveled on to Vegas for Thanksgiving.  I was shocked by what I learned.

Did you know that in order to relieve themselves, my son and his nameless adult escorts had to pee in a bottle and then empty it into the lake?  I’m not kidding.  I guess the boat is narrow and if they stood to pee straight into the lake, they’d tip the boat.  So being creative (and gross) they just peed in a bottle and…well, I don’t like to think about it.  My son thought that was the greatest thing ever!

Comet (goldfish)

Comet (goldfish) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So there you have it, ladies (and non-fishing gentlemen)…the reason why men like to fish.

And at the same time, you now know the TOP 10 REASONS WHY WOMEN DON’T LIKE TO FISH!

  • 10. Sitting out on a lake for 8-10 hours is hard on our skin; moisturizer is expensive!
  • 9.  Women don’t like calling each other Vern.
  • 8.  Women are scared of alligators (more so than men)
  • 7.  Time fishing means less time shopping.
  • 6.  Who would cook meals if women were out fishing?
  • 5.  Women would see the cute fish they caught and want to keep it (in a bowl of water at home where they could talk to it—not gutted and fried)
  • 4.  The cookie jar filled with M&Ms is at home…not out in the boat.
  • 3.  It’s hard to exercise in a narrow tipsy boat (and women need to exercise so we don’t feel guilty about eating M&Ms.)
  • 2.  Women talk more than men; the fish would never bite because of all the chatter.

And the #1 reason why women don’t like to fish…….

  • 1.   It’s really hard to pee in a bottle.  I haven’t tried it…and don’t think I will.  It sounds quite embarrassing actually.  I’ll stay at home and guard the M&Ms, thank you!

Char

13 thoughts on “Secrets of Fishing

  1. This was a very good one, Char! I fished so much when I was a little girl. My dad was a fishing nut. I don’t think I’ve fished once since I left home! That’s been quite a long time. haha. Yes. I’ll stay close to the M&M’s, thank you very much! And don’t call me, Vern! 😉
    Such a fun post.

  2. Ha ha! Yeah, can’t say I’m a fan of fishing, though I suspect it’s the anticipation of catching something that’s the draw. That and time with Dad. 🙂

    By the way, you have a Vegas connection, don’t you? Have you ever seen the Penn and Teller show there? I’m wondering if it’s appropriate for a 12 year old to see. If I’ve got things wrong, and you have nothing to do with Las Vegas, than just ignore this and chalk it up to my dimwittedness. 🙂

    • I’m from Vegas, but haven’t seen that show. My sister in law saw it (I think–maybe it was Blue man instead. I can’t remember). I’ll hurry and shoot her off an email and ask (and see if she responds to me–since email seems to be an ancient art that isn’t used much by people now a days.) I would guess it would be a bit crude, since it’s Vegas–but your boys seem to have a nack for coming up with their own crude names that you write in your posts, so they might think it’s hilarious! I’ll write you back if I hear back from her either way.

      • Thanks. I appreciate that. I’m taking my youngest there this summer. Seems a weird choice for a mother and son, but we have a few days to spend by ourselves, and he is a budding magician, so what better way to see some great magic? He’s really good–well beyond little kid tricks, that’s for sure. I’m not a gambler, so I’m sure the hotel won’t be pleased with my kind. They offer me an inexpensive room and I give them nothing in return. 🙂

      • Thanks for the info. Your response went to my email inbox instead of your site I think, but I was still able to see it. 🙂

  3. I’m happy to say I’ve never been fishing in my life. 🙂 And my husband says I’m not missing anything. He got stuck going with his parents when he was younger and thought it was the most boring thing on earth. I always thought that was golf, but he claims fishing is worse. 🙂

    • Golf is boring to watch, but pretty fun to play. I’m terrible at it, but it’s fun to be outdoors on a pretty course (except if another groups is behind me whining because I’m slow). If I fished, I would be picky and want to be somewhere drop-dead gorgeous so I could suntan and snap pictures of mountains and clouds. Flyfishing in Yellowstone looks amazing. I wouldn’t mind that (but don’t make me gut my own fish).

  4. My kids sometimes ask me when they’ll be able to go fishing (by the lake, not on the lake!). I tell them they have to be able to sit down and be quiet for a while. I then show them the guys fishing (there has to be 1 woman for every 100 men). They stare at them a minute and then say, I don’t want to go fishing. This is boring! I haven’t tried to entice them peeing in a bottle though…

  5. Love your comments on men fishing. That sounds like my experiences about every week. Shopping and M&M’s (or Dove Chocolates) are taking a tole on my waist and budget. I didn’t know about the bottle Now I know I don’t want to go out in that boat!

Comments are closed.