The Mystery of the Valentine TP Phantom

Česky: Toaletní papír English: Toilet paper Es...

I woke up to a ‘special’ surprise Valentine’s morning.  My whole living room was toilet papered–doorways, tables, furniture, light fixtures–it was all wrapped up like a mummy.  Wow!

Truthfully, my first thought was, Oh, man!  I’m going to have to clean this up!  And that turned out to be true.

So who was the Valentine TP Phantom?  I knew my 1st daughter hadn’t done it (she’s away at college).  I asked my 2nd daughter.  She vehemently denied it (but she’s mischievous, so I was still suspicious).

I asked my 3rd daughter.  She, too, adamantly denied that she’d pulled the Toilet Paper Phantom Prank.  She smiled slightly as she denied it though…so I was still suspicious.

My youngest…I didn’t even ask.  The door frames were TP’d so meticulously that I knew it couldn’t have been him.  He would have done it messy.  But he was determined to help me figure out who did it.  He can’t stand an unsolved mystery.

I didn’t think it was my husband.  That’s a lot of trouble to go to for nothing…and especially on Valentine’s Day.  It’s really not very romantic.  My guess was that it was #2 (no pun intended with the toilet paper and all).  She had been up writing an English paper when I went to bed…so I figured she had to have done it.  But she was flabbergasted that I thought it was her.

“I didn’t do it, Mom.  I swear!”

“Don’t swear!”

My son accused his dad, who looked at him like he was crazy.  My son then accused me.  I rolled my eyes and told him I usually didn’t make messes that I knew I’d have to clean up.  That’s why I had kids…so they could make the messes I had to clean up.

Hmmmmm!  Who could it be?

The mystery wasn’t solved before the kids took off for school.  My husband was sure it was #3.  I was sure #2 was the culprit.  My son had searched rooms before he left and found a bag of toilet paper in her room.  The evidence.  Hah!

Later, my husband and I put chocolates on all the kids beds before they got home.  My husband decided #3 needed her room TP’d to give her a taste of her own medicine.  After a convincing argument, I decided he was probably right about #3.  I laughed as he mummified her room.

When she got home, my daughter was appalled.

“It wasn’t me, Mom!  Why did you TP my room?”

All I could think was:  My kids are really good liars.  I was getting more confused by the hour.  Shouldn’t a mom be able to discern when her kids are lying?  I was perplexed!  Had we left the front door unlocked and the milkman had entered and done it?  That gave me the heebie jeebies.  But no one was fessing up to the crime.

Long story short…my son finally confessed through lots of laughter (the one kid, besides the one that’s hours away, that I never accused–even though he’d done it all and planted evidence to convict his sister).  The little twerp!  He was so proud of himself for pulling the wool (or rather, toilet paper) over all our eyes.  I’ll never believe anything that comes out of that cute kid’s mouth again.

But the mystery is now solved.  And I have 6-7 less rolls of toilet paper than I did before.


13 thoughts on “The Mystery of the Valentine TP Phantom

    • Yes, it is a weird thing to do. Toilet papering scares me too. I did it once as a teenager and it backfired big time. We TP’d a boy’s house that one of my friends liked and the mother caught us and reamed us up one side and down the other. I never did it again.

  1. I laughed, because my first thought would have also been, “Oh, man, now I need to clean this up!” You proved to be a good sport! It’s fun when our kids surprise us. We like to think we know them so well…

  2. I would make Curtis use the TP for the rest of his life or until it was gone. Too bad he is not a girl, it would go faster.

    Enough bathroom humor.

    I enjoy your blog. Thanks for the laugh.

    • So did I…once he fessed up. His sisters weren’t too happy with him though. I think they were jealous that he’d pulled it off so well.

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