Today I’m going to give you some sound advice…BEWARE OF SNAKES! They can eat you. I watched a movie where a snake followed a boat down some creepy jungle river; it was the size of the Tremors snakes (which scared me for years. I still tread very carefully so they don’t hear me walking). To ruin the movie for you, basically the big scary snake eats almost everyone!
My son didn’t heed my advice and almost got choked by a green snake. I beat it with a broom and saved my kid (that’s what mom’s do!)…and then I wrapped that snake up on my son’s curtain rod as a sign to other snakes to stay away from my boy!
Now I don’t think all snakes will eat you…only the ones that will. So don’t go out and kill all snakes (unless you’re in Hawaii…then I’m sure they’ll give you a reward for killing snakes…because they don’t want no snakes on their paradise island…and I don’t blame them. It’s nice to hike in the jungles there and not worry about snakes dropping down out of the viney trees, like Kaa from Jungle Book, and mesmerizing you with a song before they eat you.)
We found this slithery slimeball in our garage! It didn’t make me happy…until my husband got it out. Snakes don’t belong in garages. They might do things like wrap themselves around your car engine and squeeze the life out of your Hyundai and sing off key if you’re not careful. SO BE CAREFUL!
Since finding Mr. Slithery in our garage, I think he’s had babies (or she…if you’re going to be picky). Every time I was out weeding this past fall, I’d run across Mr. Slithery and flinch away so he couldn’t wrap himself around me and eat me. I’m okay with snakes outside…that’s where they belong. But just stay out of my garage! Not cool!
And if they are going to take up residence in my yard, then they better make themselves useful and eat some mice or other bothersome rodents. Otherwise, I declare war on the lazy critters…and promise to pull out a pipe and run them out of town like the Pied Piper of Nottingham did (I could be mixing up my stories here a little. Forgive me).
There is one more type of Snake to beware of: that is the Snake River. It runs through Idaho and is a nice river…except for its name. I’m scared to swim in it. I’m scared that the monstrosity from the Amazon rainforest might have somehow made his way north and will eat me up if I’m stupid enough to swim in a river named after HIM. No one would ever know. So I make a point of keeping even my little toes out of the Snake River…and you should too if you know what’s good for you.
PS–Oh, don’t watch Snakes on a Plane; you’ll never fly again. And if you want more advice on how to snake proof your house, read the article below…but only if you’re brave.